I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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