the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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