I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
