That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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