i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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