Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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