Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
two words: eviction party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
