It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
