she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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