no, he came in my armpit
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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