4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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