Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just invented taco cereal.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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