who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
