I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
where are my eyebrows?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
