Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
