i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
