she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
