wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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