Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
