He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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