what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
