Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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