So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
