Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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