I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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