Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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