you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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