He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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