Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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