I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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