i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
should my penis look like a turkey
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
