He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
