Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
