So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
