Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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