i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
