I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize