Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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