Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
