Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize