He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
