so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
