he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
