8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
