My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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