I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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