Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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