I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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