Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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