She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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