You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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