I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
