ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
