There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
