for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
