I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My penis needs a shock collar
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
