when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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