dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
