just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You left your phone here
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