I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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