take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
