This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize