So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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