What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
