Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
