I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
