yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
